(1) INT. GALACTICA – BRIEFING ROOM

Tigh: So, what do we have?
Tyrol: Good news, Colonel. We scouted the ice moon, found an entire subsurface ocean. I’ve got reports and video for you, sir.
Tigh: Mmm, not exactly Caprica beach down there, huh, Chief?
[Tigh is clearly more than a little buzzed… and everybody notices it]
Tyrol: No, sir. We’ve registered temperatures 180 and below…
Tigh: Ohhhh
Tyrol: … Venting of methane and CO2. It’s gonna be a bitch to work down there, sir.
Tigh: Cheer up, you know how lucky we are we found this ugly rock? Water riots breakin’ out all over the fleet. Civilians, whiny, civi’ crybabies, can’t stand less than a hot shower every day.
Tyrol: Yes, sir.
Tigh: Even Galactica’s down to 10,000 jps of water. Ever see a man die of dehydration, Chief?
Tyrol: No, sir.
Tigh: Well, let’s hope you never do, it isn’t pretty. So… where were we?
Cally: We drilled 23 core samples…
Tigh: (reading the results) 13% sodium chloride, what the hell? We can’t drink salt water!
Tyrol: No, sir, that’s why I had Cally test the ice.
Tigh: (keeps on reading) Oh, ho, well, there you go, pure water. A couple of lemons, we could make lemonade. Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo.
[Cally struggles not to crack up]
Tyrol: Uh, yes, sir. We will have to melt the ice before we transport it up to the ship.
Tigh: What’s that gonna take?
Socinus: High capacity heater expansion tanks, D-25 plasma torches, myrex hoses, centrifugal pumps…
Tigh: Sounds like a lot of manpower.
Tyrol: Ideally, a thousand men, sir.
Tigh: A thousand men. And where are they gonna come from?

(2) INT. GALACTICA – TOOL ROOM

Tyrol: Look, the Master-at-Arms has been over every inch of that locker. She’s come up with nothing.
Boomer: So they’ve got no idea who took those six g-4 charges or who put that detonator in…
Tyrol: Hey, hey, hey… don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it, okay?
[They embrace and just then Tigh enters the room and they quickly disentangle]
Tigh: Mmm… I need to speak with the lieutenant, alone.
Tyrol: (to Tigh as he leaves) Colonel.
Tigh: You don’t honestly think you’ve been fooling everyone, do you? I know, the old man knows, hell, the whole ship knows about you and the Chief. It stops, now.
Boomer: Sir, the Chief and I are just friends…
Tigh: Back when the ship was being decommissioned, we let you two get away with it. Hell, we let everyone get away with murder. But that was then and this is now. We’re at war, this is a combat unit and you’re his superior officer. Put a stop to it, that’s an order.
Boomer: Yes, sir.
Gaeta: (on intercom) Attention. Pass the word for Colonel Tigh. Colonel Tigh, please report to CIC.

(3) INT. GALACTICA – INFIRMARY

Tyrol: Specialist lazy, how ya feeling? Must be nice, lying around, doing nothing as usual.
Cally: (lying in bed) Sorry, Chief, I didn’t think you’d find me here.
Tyrol: Oh, well, you see, I am so on to you.
Socinus: So, Cally, is it true? You really bite that guy’s ear off?
Cally: He’s lucky that’s all I bit off.
Tyrol: That’s my girl.

Transcript: Sci Fi SadGeezers