(1) INT. GALACTICA – HANGAR DECK

[Cally sits outside the Cylon Raider while Tyrol pokes inside it]
Cally: Starbuck’s notes on the Cylon Raider are a mess. [reading the notes] She said the engine power-up sequence began by squeezing something that looks like a red ligament with blue veins on the right side coming out of a sack of gooey fluid, shaped like a dog.
Tyrol: Are you kidding me? This whole thing is a bunch of veins and ligaments and sacks of goo.
Cally: [continues reading] “Squeeze the ligament with your hand while you slide your weight on your left hip, into the lymphatic sack”.
Tyrol: Well, that’s just stupid!
[Tight approaches]
Cally: Oh… afternoon, sir.
Tigh: Specialist. (re: the Raider) Chief’s inside?
Cally: Yeah.
Tigh: Chief?
Tyrol: Ow, Gods- yes, sir?
Tigh: How’s it coming in there?
Tyrol: (lying through his teeth) Uh… I’m getting there, sir. Haven’t quite figured out all the tricks but I’m getting there.

(2) INT. GALACTICA – HANGAR DECK

[Tyrol is still wrestling with the Cylon Raider]
Tyrol: (mumbling) Unbelievable… frak it!
Boomer: (approaches) Ahem… uh, not a good time?
Tyrol: No, it’s fine.
Boomer: Guess you’re having problems?
Tyrol: I just- I can’t get this thing to work. I’ve been over it and over it and over it and over and… nothing! I have no idea how Starbuck got this thing to move, much less fly.
Boomer: (stroking it seductively) It’s not really a thing, you know? It’s probably a Cylon itself. More of an animal, maybe, than the human models. Maybe they genetically design it to perform a task. To be a fighter. You can’t treat it like a thing and expect it to respond. You have to treat it like… a pet. But… at least, that’s my guess.
Tyrol: (a little creeped out. Starts to really think that something is up with her) Your guess?
Boomer: (very defensive) Yeah, that’s right, my guess. There something else you wanna say?
Tyrol: No. (she walks away) Lieutenant…

(3) INT. GALACTICA – SICK BAY
***** TYROL NOT IN THIS SCENE *****

[Tigh enters. Starbuck’s on her bed]
Tigh: I heard you were supposed to be up on your feet by now.
Starbuck: You heard wrong.
Tigh: Well, I figured you wouldn’t bounce back so fast.
Starbuck: Is there something you wanted, or did you just drop by to torment me, sir?
Tigh: (looking at her chart) Nah, the Chief wanted me to kick your ass out of bed so you could help figure out that Raider of yours but, clearly, you still need the rest. So take your time, no rush.
Starbuck: Do you actually think that reverse psychology crap is gonna work on me?
Tigh: I really don’t care what you think, Lieutenant. All I know is that every day you spend in that bed is another day that I have my opinion of you confirmed. As you were. (leaves)
[Starbuck looks pissed]

(4) INT. GALACTICA – HANGAR DECK

[Starbuck approaches on crutches]
Apollo: Hey.
Starbuck: Shut up… all of you. Not one single word from any of you, okay? What seems to be the problem?
Tyrol: Well, your new boyfriend’s a bit of a jerk, sir.
Starbuck: It’s a girl.
Tyrol: Well, if you don’t mind her goo on your face, she’s all yours, sir.
Starbuck: Okay…
Tyrol: She likes the warm light.
Starbuck: Makes the touch easier, right? Maybe… okay. Mmm… this is stupid, this is stupid… this is stupid!
Tyrol: It’s worth a try, sir. And it did fly for you once. Hasn’t made so much as a grunt since. Maybe… uh, take her for a ride.
Starbuck: Ride it?
Tyrol: Treat it like a horse.
Starbuck: Okay… a horse, a horse, a horse. (climbs inside) Why not a goat? I mean, that’s good, right? Think of it as a goat. Okay, whatever… (fiddles with the insides) Come on, boy, giddyup. Come on, come on. Okay, come on- (kicks the ignition and the engine starts revving and the Raider lifts off a little) Oh, oh, okay, you’re kidding. Chief… Chief!
Tyrol: Don’t shoot anything.

(5) CYLON-OCCUPIED CAPRICA – WOODS
***** TYROL NOT IN THIS SCENE *****

[Helo and Caprica Boomer are getting ready to go to sleep. But first Helo has to flip a coin]
Helo: Call it.
Caprica Boomer: Heads.
Helo: (probably fixing the result) Heads, you win. You sleep, I watch.
Caprica Boomer: No, you’re the one who needs sleep.
Helo: I couldn’t sleep if I had to listen to Tyrol read the flight manual.
Caprica Boomer: Okay.
Helo: Truth is, if something happened to you I wouldn’t know how to deal with it.
Caprica Boomer: I feel the same way.
Helo: Back on the ship, I, uh… look, I knew what was going on. I mean, between you and the Chief.
Caprica Boomer: I think everybody did.
Helo: And I respected it, your feelings, his, but… I would have given anything to be him. Hey, I’m not trying to put you on the spot, here. I don’t wanna step into what you two have. You feel the way you feel and I have to respect that-

Transcript: Sci Fi SadGeezers