VIDEO: DIRK GENTLY – 1×03: Rogue Wall Enthusiasts (November 5, 2016)

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TRANSCRIPT: DIRK GENTLY – 1×03: Rogue Wall Enthusiasts (November 5, 2016)

(1a) INT. GORDON RIMMER’S HOUSE — 15 YEARS AGO
***** GORDON RIMMER IS IN THIS SCENE. NO DIALOGUE *****

[Gordon Rimmer’s house is clean and tidy. Lux Dujour, rockstar, sex god, enters, passing two Drones on his way in]
Lux DuJour: Ah, hello, brothers. I like the new jumpsuits. Very fascist. I dig that.
[Lux DuJour removes his sunglasses and sees Gordon Rimmer kneeling on the floor, wearing a welder’s mask. His wife is dead, shot by an arrow]
Lux DuJour: What happened here, Rainey? Looks like a homicide.
[Jake Rainey steps into view]
Rainey: Call me by the name of my first shell, Pollux. Is that meant to give you power over me?
Lux DuJour: I was given an order to come down to this shit hole at 2:00 A.M. I’m one of the original souls, and you do not tell me what to do like I’m some kind of drone we found on the street.
Rainey: Are we not all equals? Simply energy
Lux DuJour: That’s big words from a guy who calls himself ‘The Supreme Soul,’ hmm? At least as Lux DuJour, I try to do something. I try to create something. How many bodies have you been in in the last 10 years, huh, Rainey, 50? Hmm? What am I doing here? What’s this all about? Who are these people?
Rainey: Your energy is being redesignated. We found a new location for our temple. [She lifts the welders mask from Gordon Rimmer’s face, revealing him younger, more clean cut, tape over his mouth, clearly terrified] This body is the key. Say hello to your new vessel, Gordon Rimmer.
Lux DuJour: Redesignated? You can’t do that.
Rainey: It’s what’s best for our cause.
Lux DuJour: “Cause…” Right. You know, it’s been decades, and if you really cared about our great cause, you would have found Edgar Spring’s other machine years ago.
[Rainey twists Gordon Rimmer’s ear. He winces in pain]
Rainey: You’ve become addicted to this body, to this life.
Lux DuJour: You can’t do this to me. You can’t swap me out against my will into some fat piece of shit! I’m a rock star! [two drones appear on either side of him and start dragging him away] Supreme Soul, please, I’m making a new album. You can’t do this to me! I’m a rock star! I’m a rock star! I’m a rock star… I’m a rock star…


(1b) INT. GORDON RIMMER’S HOUSE — 3 DAYS AGO

Lydia Spring: I have mace.
Gordon: Holy shit. You’re Lydia Spring.
Lydia Spring: Are you the one that wrote this letter?
Gordon: I am.
Lydia Spring: Do you really have answers?
Gordon: I do.
Lydia Spring: Who is Zackariah Webb, and what was his connection to my family? What happened to my grandfather? (furious) Who killed my mother?
Gordon: Zackariah Webb, I don’t know, but I do know what happened to your mother, and I know why your father is so afraid.
Lydia Spring: Unbelievable.
Gordon: Why don’t you… come inside? It’s cold. Do you like Lux DuJour?
Lydia Spring: Who the hell is Lux DuJour?
Gordon: Ouch.
[Lydia walks past Gordon and into his home]


(2) EXT. GORDON RIMMER’S HOUSE
***** GORDON RIMMER NOT IN THIS SCENE *****
Gordon’s burnt down house. Farrah, Dirk & Todd.

[The house is burnt to the ground. There’s absolutely nothing left. Firefighters and police have cordoned off the area and are picking through the rubble. Farrah is standing on the opposite side of the street. Todd is hiding behind the bush]
Farah: Why are you hiding behind that bush?
Todd: Because we’re the ones who burned the house down.
Farah: Yeah, but they don’t know that.
Todd: (he awkwardly rises from behind bush) My clothes look good on you.
Farah: Ok. Thanks. Listen, um… I haven’t had the chance to… You know… at the bridge? With the dog? You… That was brave of you. I guess you… saved me. So…
Todd: Cool.
Farah: So why did you burn down this house again?
Todd: Well, um…
Farah: You said the guys who kidnapped me thought you killed Patrick Spring?
Dirk: (he appears as if from nowhere) Correct. Absolutely no one has any idea what’s going on. I spoke to the police at the scene.
Todd: What did they say?
Dirk: “Go away.”
Farah: Well, you’re a detective. You’ve been gathering information. What have you found so far?
Dirk: Well… I gave the bad guys my phone number.
Farah: You… gave them your phone number?
Dirk: In self-defense–
Farah: Give me your phone now.
Todd: What, what are you doing?
[Farah starts dialling Gordon Rimmer on Dirk’s phone]
Todd: No, no, no. that’s a bad idea.


(3) INT. GORDON RIMMER’S CAR

[Gordon Rimmer is sitting in his car, eating drive-through fries. He seems worn down and frustrated. His cell phone rings]
Gordon: C’mon, Oh… okay [he answers phone] Hello.
Farah: Where is Lydia Spring?
Gordon: Do you have the other machine?
Farah: What other machine?
Gordon: That’s the wrong answer.
Farah: Where is Lydia!
Gordon: Lydia’s gone.
Farah: What do we need to do to get her back?
Gordon: We’re gonna fine you, Miss Black.
Farah: You do not want to find me.
Gordon: Your boss has something that we need, and before he died, he was gonna hand it over like a good little idiot, but now it’s on you!
Farah: This is your last chance. Surrender Lydia Spring.
Gordon: (chuckles) I’ll see you real soon.
[He hangs up the phone and drops it on the passenger seat]
Farah: [line goes dead] She starts muttering to herself.


(4) ANIMAL TRANSFER UNIT
[MOM dead on floor. Gordon walks in]
Gordon: Just here right now. I’ll get it going, and then I’ll… Doesn’t look like anyone else has been here since we were here.
[Gordon’s car is idling outside of the animal transfer unit. He exits the building.
Gordon: There’s a ton of bodies to clean up, but everything still works. Bring him here. And bring a mouse.
[Gordon hangs up the call as he walks towards his car. Lydia is in the back seat. He opens driver side door and sits down inside the car]
Radio: …Cooler temperatures arrive after that, 47 for a high on Tuesday. And now for the news. A surprising update on the body discovered at the scene of the arson in Logan Heights this morning. We now have information that the body has been identified – as that of Robert Wayne Terrio–
Gordon: (to Lydia) Shut up.
Radio: –better known to the public as beloved 1980s rock icon Lux DuJour, who went missing nearly two decades ago. How DuJour came to be buried under the garage – of a single-bedroom house–
Gordon: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! No! No! No! No! No! No! Oh, my God…
[Lydia whimpering]
Gordon: It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, I’m sorry… Sorry… [Lydia licks his hand]

IMAGES: DIRK GENTLY – 1×03: Rogue Wall Enthusiasts (November 5, 2016)